Salting an Open Wound
by Damm Rayjeem
Summary: Remus finally has good friends and a normal life. However when his werewolf side latches onto a mate how will the three other boys react? Angst and meanness to Remus Updated for the first time in three years!
1. Prologue

The sun was rising and again he had not slept. He sat on the windowsill, pajama clad legs pulled up to his clothed chest. His tired, amber eyes watched the sun rising slowly over the grounds, eliminating the darkness with its rays. He slowly took a deep breath and sighed. His stomach growled with hunger, but he ignored it. It was too painful to sleep anymore, too much of a chore to eat much. It had been this way for a couple of weeks.

In the past four years, he had been as he never was before. He was happy.

He had friends for the first time in his life, and they didn't care that he escaped to a shack every month, to turn into that monster that haunted him. And wanted to become animagi just to keep him company on the nights when the moon was full. They simply smiled when they figured out his curse in their second year and that they were being lied too. He wasn't a very good fibber. They all carried on, making trouble and having fun while they were at it. Laughing at jokes and teasing each other about the teachers who told them off. It was the only time when he had been accepted by people his age. They didn't run away like he thought they'd do. Even the idea made him smile in pure joy.

But when he hit the age of fifteen, the wolf side of him began fighting for some sort of control. He began to notice, feeling for one of his best friends. He became more cheerful when Sirius Black was around. Became more attentive when Sirius spoke. Laughed more fully at his jokes. And became nervous when Sirius was talking to him.

Sirius was smart, funny and a gem to look at. Long locks of ebony hair hung slightly below his trim shoulders and a few stray bangs framed his flawless face. But to make him all the more perfect, if possible, he had midnight blue eyes, which would best been described as hot coals because when you looked at them, you could melt right where you stood. His faultless figure attracted many admirers, both female and male, though Sirius shuddered at the mere thought of the latter. And unfortunately, Remus John Lupin was one of them. However, with many fans, comes many a rival. And regrettably, Remus thought he was no match. He was small, and slim, and very quiet. His light brown hair wavered to his ears. He gave the impression of great calmness except his eyes. True the amber orbs expressed worry, and rejection. Most of that look that haunted him vanished when he was with his three friends; Peter Pettigrew, James Potter and of course Sirius Black.

Remus had thought that since his friends had accepted his transformation into that horrible werewolf, that him being homosexual wouldn't trouble them at all. He had figured it out the summer of their fifth year at Hogwarts, when they had all gone to James' house for a week. They all stayed up late, and dared each other to do stupid things. One of Sirius' dares, by James, of course, was that the next day Sirius had to walk around in nothing but VERY tight and extremely short shorts. Sirius had just shrugged and agreed. But the next day was nothing but torture for Remus. He had never seen that much of Sirius' skin ever, and wished he could see the rest. Remus shook his head of such images and cursed himself for being stupid. But it didn't stop. Every time Sirius spoke to Remus he couldn't say anything. Remus' throat had tightened so he simply nodded or shook his head. Sirius had long slim, and obviously waxed, legs. James said he looked like a cheerleading and earned a whack from Sirius in return. Peter just laughed and glanced his watery eyes at Remus, who said nothing.

So many images of nothing but Sirius. He knew it then that he fancied Sirius Black. And he knew then, that he could never have him. Nevertheless, Remus' stomach churned and fluttered when he saw his friend. He became light headed and a bit woozy. The day they had returned to Hogwarts, Remus had put together the symptoms and resulted in one word 'love', not the word he had expected, 'lust'. He cared for Sirius more than anyone, and wanted to worry about him. Of course also on the first night back, Severus Snape, a fifth year Slytherin, had started a fight with Sirius. This fight didn't involve magic but fists. Severus came off with a black eye, bloody nose, fifteen points from Slytherin and detention. Sirius was a similar case, a bloody lip and cut cheek, fifteen points from Gryffindor, and detention. Remus' heart ached when he thought of Sirius hurt, but he would love caring for him when he was, oh how he was jealous of Madam Pomfrey that night.

But as the sun continued to rise and other students began to stir, he remained curled in a ball, shivering. He had lost all hope, all faith. He could never again face his three classmates, having not the right to call them friends anymore. He could never look those into those blue eyes again, because now when they spotted him, Sirius either turned away, or glared coldly at him. He looked around and saw everyone still asleep. His eyes saddened with longing. He hated the loneliness. He hated rejection, and that's all he'd ever get in life. So why live it? Because the Sorting Hat put him in Gryffindor, that's why. Gryffindors were brave and strong, and ending life would be cheating and very yellow indeed. Remus never cheated and he wasn't a wimp. He looked out the window once more and stared, eyes unfocused. He didn't cry when Sirius yelled at him, he didn't cry when he got hit. Nor did he cry when his body began to act up, causing severe pain, or when he was ignored. No, only on the night of a full moon did he ever cry, and he cried hard that night.


	2. Smashing hopes

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! Here's Chapter Two! I changed the Beginning a bit so the Prologue is revised! I would like more Reviews. This is a Lily/James and Sirius/Remus story but I'm going to add a HUGE twist to this coupling.I'm not popular on and I don't want to loose my only fans by making a huge story complication. V..v I worry about that a lot… anyhow REVIEW PLEASE!

Remus sat alone again at the end of the Gryffindor table, leafing through a worn book that he had read about twenty times beforehand. He glanced up at the other students, all laughing and eating merrily and found that he was quite jealous. He got so used to having his three best friends around that this avoidance and loneliness felt alien, though he was very used to it.

Quietly he reached to grab a roll and buttered it absently. His attention returned back to the book. He broke off some pieces slowly and pushed them in his unwilling, malnourished mouth. Remus stared at the same line for a long time, no words sinking in however. He wasn't really reading; he just needed an excuse to avoid looking at others. He was a mess; eyes were rimmed with deep shadows from lack of sleep, and his tawny hair was disheveled. He was at least ten pounds lighter as well and talked even less then he normally did. Partly because no one wanted to talk to him.

He heard James laughing half way down the table, a rich, hearty chuckle that Remus was so fond of, and that he missed terribly. They seemed to be getting along fine without him though; he wasn't anyone to anybody anymore. No one would miss him if he didn't show up for classes, if he didn't showed up for the rest of term. They'd probably hope he'd do himself in, well Sirius at least. Maybe James missed him, even though Sirius and James were the closes of friends, James did seem to take a liking to Remus. Maybe he could talk to him later, whenever a certain other raven-haired boy wasn't around. Remus looked up again and over to him. He saw Sirius reaching for salt and he caught Remus' eye. Remus now regretted being curious. Sirius' glare was cold enough to freeze hell. Remus quickly looked down and began to read the almost indecipherable print, shuddering, his hands were shaking badly.

"Hello there Remus!" Said a pleasant voice from behind him. He turned to see a very pretty girl with flaming red hair that reached her shoulders and green eyes. She smiled at Remus gently, only earning a frown from him. "Hello, Lily…" He mumbled softly. Lily Evans cocked her slender eyebrow at him.

"Um… could I sit with you?" She questioned, much to his shock.

"What is it Lily?" Remus asked, voice hoarse from his very much-delayed silence.

Lily's green eyes met Remus'. "I want to sit with you…" Remus smiled softly. He nodded numbly and scooted over to allow her to seat herself next to him.

"Thanks… so how are you? You've been over here all by yourself for the longest time." Remus looked down at his plate, which the rest of his uneaten roll lay on. He nodded again. Lily sighed and stared at him, her head resting in her hand. "Want to talk about it?"

Remus simply shrugged and looked at her. "I don't know…" Lily gave him a reassuring smile. "They're just being jerks, all of them. They miss you, trust me Remus."

"I seriously doubt it Lily…" Remus reached over to the butter again and began to, once more spread it on his roll, though he had no plan to eat it. Lily began to tap her long fingernails on the tabletop, still staring at him.

"So you're denying my information?" Remus looked at her, startled. "No I, I mean I…" She laughed softly. "I was just teasing you Remus… so what do they have against you anyways?"

Remus leaned back in his chair, quietly. "I… don't want to talk about it now…" Lily nodded showing that she understood completely. "Well anyways I was having trouble with Divination…" Remus smiled at her change of subject. "So you still want to talk to me?" She looked shocked at the question. "I try to look at the finished picture, not just a piece. Don't worry Lupin, you've got someone here to help you." This brightened Remus' day already, a task that was getting harder and harder to accomplish. They spent the rest of the morning talking about Crystal Ball gazing and Palmistry. Thankfully it was Saturday, so they went to the library, studying.

Later that evening, as Remus sat on his bed, Peter, James, and Sirius walked in laughing. Remus looked up and tried to catch James or Peter's eye but had no luck.

"Yeah I don't know why he has to do that," Sirius was saying, loudly. "I mean it's not like this is the first time I've been in detention! He kept lecturing me on the school rules and policies and that if it were up to him, he would get his whip out. I just laughed and told him to expect more dung bombs."

"That's Filch for you though." James said, laughing. "You really got another order?" Sirius held up two fingers. Remus frowned but was feeling rather courageous after his evening with Lily's suggestions he should talk to them.

He quietly approached them and Peter turned his watery eyes to him. Sirius scowled and James just frowned but carried on like Remus wasn't there. "Um…" Remus said, trying to politely interrupt them. Peter opened his mouth to say something but he obviously saw Sirius first. "What Peter?" He asked. Peter looked confused, as did James. Remus glanced at them. "Could I…" He started but Sirius interrupted. "So James how was your detention in the Hospital Wing?" James blinked. "What dete- ow!" He rubbed his ribs where Sirius just elbowed him. "Oh yeah, it was a pain?" James stated, very unsure.

Remus' eyes saddened. "Sirius?" He asked. Sirius frowned. "Did you see Remus sitting by himself at the table again? Guess he has no one now, oh well, brought it upon himself! Serves him right. I can't believe I didn't see right through him." He continued, Remus' eyes watered softly. "Nevermind, I see I'm of no importance to you anymore… I wonder if I was…" He turned and walked away.

"I'm regretting going to the back of the train now first year." Was the last thing he heard Sirius say before Remus fell into his bed, not bothering to undress and closed his hangings of the four-poster. Later that night he placed the silencing charm around his bed and screamed into his pillow.


	3. Startling discovery

Well well well people, it has been 3 freaking years! You never thought I would update huh? Well GUESS AGAIN MUAHAHHAHA Okay I'm done.

And I'm back from outer space

And I will survive.

Remus hadn't slept again and it showed even more so in his face. It was etched in exhaustion. He had gotten up before anyone else had and snuck into the library. This was his sanctuary, his solstice. For the first time in a long while the boy smiled when he looked through the dusty selection of books.

"Ah…" He said quietly to himself and grabbed a particularly thick book entitled The Phases of the Moon: The Life and Death of a Lycanthrope. Finally! He had been waiting for weeks. Maybe this could give him some answers that he had been desperately searching for. He sat himself in one of the huge plush armchairs and opened the book slowly.

Remus was an intelligent boy, wise beyond his years and always had excellent marks in his schooling. So him sitting down with a book more than fourteen inches thick was nothing new. However, him getting bored with a huge book was something odd.

"Who… wrote this?" He sounded sickened after the thirteenth page as he looked at the cover. The gold painted name was illegible and crumbling off. He crinkled his nose slightly and continued reading. It was pretty gruesome but also true. It just made him feel more and more like a nuisance. If he had known how horrible this made him sound he would have never touched the book. How odd that someone else had checked it out before him.

A couple of hours passed and he couldn't read anymore. This person obviously had some sort of bias against werewolves. He shuddered as he closed the book and lugged it to the same place he found it. He stuck out his tongue at it and bounded up to Madam Pince. She was always a stern woman but seemed to like him very much.

"Hello Madam Pince." He greeted her with a solumn voice.

The graying woman gave him a look over. "Hello Lupin, are you well?" Everyone had been asking him that lately.

He gave a soft laugh. "Yeah I've fine, just having problems sleeping…" His amber eyes moved towards the floor. He felt a bit ashamed of it all really.

Pince just nodded stiffly at him. "I see… now may I help you?"

What had he come here for? Oh yes. "I was wondering if you had anymore books on-" He gave a quick look around to see if anyone was in earshot of them. "Werewolves?" There was always hope afterall.

The woman crossed her arms, almost like she were going to scold him. "You've read them all Mister Lupin. The only one we've had returned in the past couple of days was from your friend Mister Black."

Everything seemed to stop in time for a few moments. Sirius… checked out a book… and on werewolves nonetheless? He didn't know how long he just stood there staring at the woman with a gaping look on his face but he knew it must have been a while.

"Mister Lupin, get that look off your face this second…"

The sudden sound scared him but snapped him out of his daze. "Did you say Sirius was here?" He asked, stuttering with amazement.

The woman rolled her eyes and pushed her glasses up to the ridge of her nose. "Were you not listening Lupin? Now go away I have work to do…" With that she dismissed him. The tawny haired boy felt his throat had gone completely dry. He tried swallowing but it failed and he ended up coughing as he exited the library. Why was Sirius looking him up? He felt violated a bit, but it was probably… nothing right?

He walked through the halls of Hogwarts, lost in thought. It was nothing, it had to be nothing, and didn't Sirius hate him now? Yes that had to be it. He kept trying to reassure himself as he wandered downstairs, not really paying attention. He needed water for his throat… it was so scratchy.

Remus found himself in the Great Hall with all the other students. He completely ignored them for once. He found his usual spot and stared at the oak table. It was puzzling. He didn't dare steal a glance at his old friends though. Maybe he should have checked that book out. He didn't know anymore. His weak sleep ridden eyes wandered toward the food but wearily took a water goblet instead. If he ate anything, he'd probably throw it up anyways. He put the goblet to his lips, the insides of his mouth needing the moisture.

"Lupin." He jumped, almost spilling the water as he spun around when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

Cliffhanger! That means I'll continue!


End file.
